Understanding the Ego

When I first came across the teachings of Eckhart Tolle I was going through a very challenging times.  I was physically sick with a chronic illness, depressed, anxious, and at my wit's end....that's when I discovered the teachings of Eckhart Tolle on the ego and began to understand the mechanisms of the ego.  This is an excerpt from my book "Healing through Awakening" where I describe my understanding of the ego based on Tolle's teachings....

The Ego and the Mind

Understanding what the ego is, and learning to transcend beyond it, creates a foundation for having a more authentic experience of yourself and life. Dissolving the ego uncovers a deeper dimension within you, bringing a richness and depth into your life that is far greater than what can be experienced through the thinking mind. This section is entitled “the ego and the mind” because the two can be so intertwined that most people are unconsciously using their mind in service of the ego. I use the terms “ego” and “mind” interchangeably in this chapter as a reminder of this entangled connection. The mind is a powerful tool, but in order to use it in service of your heart, it's capacities must first be untangled from the mechanisms of the ego. So what is the ego?

The ego is a deeply rooted psychological adaptation that has developed over thousands of years to ensure the survival of the individual. The foundation of the ego is a belief in separation, a belief that you are alone in the world and must struggle for your protection and survival. The ego can be observed as the compulsive voice in the mind which is constantly interpreting and filtering the experiences of life through the intellect. This voice is constantly thinking about future events, obsessing over the past, commenting on everything that is happening around you, and making judgments of yourself, situations, and other people.

The ego is literally the voice inside your mind that has been talking to you, and commenting on life around you, for the majority of your life.

Many people are still predominately identified with the self-talk in the mind, so much so, that this concept can seem foreign at first, and may spark the question, “well if I’m not the voice in my mind, then who am I?” Who you are in your essence is pure awareness, consciousness itself. You are the field of awareness in which all other aspects of yourself are being experienced; your thoughts, emotions, your personality, your family history, your stories, your opinions, and all the accumulated mental constructs of who you think you are. Beyond these temporary expressions of yourself, you are awareness itself. You can feel this state of awareness right here and now by bringing your attention to this moment, feeling the stillness that simultaneously exists within you and all around you...

In this state of presence an inner knowing arises that we are not separate, but rather a part of all creation. We are one with all that is, connected to something greater than our individual self. There is an intense joy and liberation in this feeling of connection. You may be able to feel this experience momentarily throughout your day, and as you do, watch what covers it up—it is likely either the thoughts within your mind, your emotional reactions, or distractions from the world around you. At this stage of our collective evolution, however, most people are still hypnotized by the incessant voice of the ego, and do not feel their true essence fully. And so the process of reconnecting to our natural state of awareness first involves learning how the ego operates, and then choosing to let it go.

The Origins of the Ego

The ego forms early in our lives as we learn to identify ourselves by mental concepts; a name, personality traits, likes and dislikes, opinions, and as the general stream of thoughts that arise in the mind, much of which is influenced by our family and the culture around us. We learn to mistake our sense of Being with mental concepts and thoughts about ourselves and the world. As the developing ego forms during childhood, the belief in separation begins to take root within the psyche. A label has been given to “me,” thereby creating the “other” as that which is not “me.”

This experience of separation and differentiation has been a natural part of human development, and has served our collective growth and evolution for thousands of years. Feeling deeply separate from other forms of life has created the rich experience of being alone in the world, and mastering the art of physical survival. This, perhaps, was a noble pursuit in the past, and must have served the desires of the collective consciousness throughout the history of humanity. But as with any experience, there comes a point where it is no longer interesting. When all that can be learned from the experience of separation and individuation has reached its peak, we begin moving back into the fullness of oneness, dissolving the illusion of separation. We now stand on the cusp of a new era in our collective human experience, an era of shared unity, unconditional love, and connection.

In order to move into this new era, however, the old ego structures must first be dissolved. The ego has become like an outdated software program, becoming so dysfunctional that it now threatens the survival of the human species, and all living creatures on the planet. Because many people are still unaware of the ego existing in their own minds, they continue to be motivated, to a large degree, by the fear for survival, and a belief in separation.

You can see this in the way that many people are motivated by selfish desires to have more for themselves, and to enhance their sense of self through possessions, money, accomplishments, or status. There is a profound shortsightedness that occurs through the ego, however, which places almost complete importance on individual needs, rather than the collective health and well-being of the whole. Ironically, it is this ignorance of our shared connection which has now become a threat to our individual survival on an increasingly fragile planet.

This is the turning point that humanity is experiencing right now, where the old ego structures are becoming increasingly dysfunctional, and people are beginning to wake up to the greater reality. Now, more so than ever before in the history of humanity, the veil of illusion and separation is falling away. And as the veil is lifted, powerful transformations are taking place, both individually and collectively. The experience of awakening to our true nature and shared connection is an immensely joyful celebration like no other, and expands the loving energy in the Universe through the process. I feel this to be the primary purpose for the existence of the ego; to serve as a catalyst for this divine remembrance of our true nature, and for the bliss, joy, and love that is amplified throughout the process of awakening.

For now, however, we are still collectively in the waking-up period. It is up to each one of us, if we so choose, to begin withdrawing our attention away from the thoughts, feelings, and actions that perpetuate the illusion of separation, and that strengthen the ego. These mental and emotional patterns of separation were formed early in life, and so it can take some time and commitment to dissolve them. Understanding how the ego operates is the first step towards spiritual liberation.

Mechanisms of the Ego

The ego behaves in a very systematic way, primarily strengthening itself through identification with form. Form, in this context, refers to physical forms such as material objects, other people, your own body, as well as mental and emotional forms (thoughts, concepts, beliefs, stories, and emotional patterns). The mind is looking for a self-identity through the world of form, thereby reinforcing the experience of separation, effectively creating a conceptual “you” that constantly needs defending in order to survive.

The ego searches for permanence in form, even though it is clear that nothing in this world is permanent, but rather, constantly changing, growing, and evolving. Because the ego seeks security in the world of form, the mind is constantly moving between the past and the future, trying to plan for the future, or obsessing over what went wrong in the past that threatened homeostasis. Even when the mind can control the circumstances of life, however, it never feels content for very long. The mind is always aware that something or someone may come along to threaten your sense of identity and safety.

The ego thrives as long as it feels separate from life around itself, and so it seeks to create an identity for itself that is different than others—that is either greater than, or less than others. The ego can either create a positive identity or a negative identity. The thought, “I am better than others,” is the same ego mechanism that operates in the person who thinks, “I am worse than others.” The more you observe the thoughts in your mind, you will see the subtle ways in which the ego reinforces a conceptual identity based on separation.

The mental constructs you have about yourself (what is generally referred to as the personality) are mostly based on a culmination of mental and emotional patterns that were formed throughout your life in response to the types of reactions you received from the world around you. In that sense, the personality is more a reflection of circumstances and the environment, rather than any inherent truth about who you are. This would become apparent if you were to observe the ever-changing shifts in your self-image that occur over the course of a day. When people respond positively to you (your friends, partner, parents, or boss), you then feel good about yourself. When people respond negatively to you, you then feel poorly about yourself.

This continual shift in your self-identity highlights that the view of yourself through the lens of the ego is always a distorted and limited version of you. The mind then becomes attached to these ever changing self-concepts; “I am the victim, the unhealthy one, the worrier, the successful one, the strong one, the caretaker, the hard worker, the anxious one, or the helpless one.” Whenever you see yourself as a certain type of person, it is the voice of the ego seeking to strengthen itself through a conceptual identity. The ego is not concerned with what you identify with, but merely that you have some form of identity.

Another way in which the ego strengthens the false sense of identity is by blaming, criticizing, and judging other people, or life situations. By making another person wrong, you are by default right, and in a place of superiority. When you are dissatisfied with what is happening around you, you are effectively saying, “I am better than this,” reinforcing the experience of separation between you and life around you. You may temporarily feel good through this type of ego reaction, but very likely you will eventually feel the pain of loneliness and separation that occurs when the ego has been energized.

The more negatively charged your thoughts are, the better the ego can captivate your attention, and the more likely you are to identify with these thoughts. The more that the mind can find fault in other people, places, or situations, the more reason your ego has to react against them, perpetuating the experience of separation, and thereby strengthening the false sense of self.

The ego is generally concerned with the future and the past, keeping a person distracted from the present moment. The mind is concerned with getting more, achieving more, and being greater, while always reinforcing the belief that happiness and contentment exist somewhere outside the present moment. Even the desire to become spiritually enlightened can be a desire of the ego. If you are unconsciously seeking to find happiness somewhere in the future by becoming “enlightened,” then it is the ego at work.

Notice, however, that even when you achieve what it is you think will make you happy, the mind will very quickly find another goal for happiness, one that can only be found in the future. Contentment and peace are perpetually a distant reality, only experienced in small bursts as a person temporarily gets what they want. The present moment is generally unacceptable from the perspective of the ego, and the mind will do whatever it can to preoccupy your attention with attaining some future goal, material possession, symbol of status, or position of power.

The ego seeks to use other people in order to strengthen it's own self-image. In social interactions it is quite common for the ego to begin assessing the other person in order to determine how he or she may serve the ego's needs. The mind will create a story about the other person, and try to categorize this person based on assumptions and past experiences, rather than experiencing their essence directly. If the ego determines that the other will somehow enhance one's own image in some way, then an effort will be made to keep this person around. If, on the other hand, the ego cannot get it's needs met from another, then the ego quickly loses interest. The ego is drawn to others who have power, material possessions, or status as a way to enhance oneself through association with the other person. Conversely, the ego can also be drawn to those whom appear weak or suggestible, as a way to derive power and attention from others.

Listed below are some common ego thought patterns that you can begin to notice within yourself. Keep in mind that the ego is not personal. The ego is not who you are, but rather, a universal experience that every human being, in their own time, is learning to transcend beyond. There is no reason to beat yourself up when you catch the ego in action. In fact, it is actually a success, in that you are one step closer to living in Truth, to being more authentically you.

Ego Thought Patterns

-Any negative thought or emotion, such as annoyance, frustration, anger, jealousy, boredom, irritation, anxiety, or a feeling of dread or doom.

-Becoming defensive.

-A compulsive need to be in control of your life, or a compulsive need to feel control over others.

-Compulsive thoughts, reactions, or behaviors.

-Dissatisfaction or resistance towards the present moment.

-Recurring thoughts about the future or past.

-Comparing yourself to others (feeling either superior or inferior to others).

-Over attachment to material possessions, people, or places.

-Stories in your mind about yourself or others not based on objective facts.

-Role identification where you slip into playing a role unconsciously (the caretaker, the assertive one, the shy one, the good friend, the rebel, etc).

-Being overly concerned with other people's personal affairs.

-Competitiveness and aggressiveness.

-Needing to stand out or feel special.

-Criticizing, blaming, or judging others or yourself.

-Possessiveness or jealousy.

-Random and aimless thoughts that distract you away from the present moment or leave you feeling drained.

Dissolving the Ego

All that is required to begin dissolving the ego is to become aware of the ego as it operates within you. When you notice the ego in action, simply drop the ego-based thought and bring your attention back to the present moment. This may feel challenging at first, and it can be quite alarming to see how much of your life may have been influenced by the incessant voice in your mind.

Just begin by noticing the thoughts in your mind that lead to negative states such as anxiety, doubt, depression, dissatisfaction, jealousy, anger, or frustration. Notice how the thoughts, and the consequent negative emotional reactions that are created, energize your experience of separation, and ultimately cause you to suffer in some way. It is never the situation that causes you to suffer, but rather, your thoughts about the situation that creates suffering within.

Whenever you catch yourself lost in thought, bring your attention back to the present moment. Notice the sights, smells and physical sensations within you. Feel your breath and your inner energy field. Through this process you will begin dissolving your addiction to compulsive thinking, no longer allowing yourself to be hypnotized by thoughts, no longer allowing them to take you on a roller-coaster ride in your mind. You become the conscious observer, as though you are peacefully watching your mind from a distance.

By becoming a conscious witness to your own mind, you create space between yourself as awareness, and the stream of compulsive thinking in your mind. In this moment you have become free from the ego—you are aware of the thought, but you are no longer identified with the thought. In this moment a stillness arises within, and you feel a deepening connection to who you are in your essence. This process of dis-identifying with thoughts and continually coming back to the present moment takes practice, but over time will incrementally increase your presence power, and the quality of your life.